A Simpli Splendiferous Adversaria

October 21, 2006

Coercive Persuasion- Surviving RSD by twinklev

Coercive Persuasion
(Surviving RSD)
by twinkleEKV

Many of us struggle through our day to day lives. Some of us struggle to live and some of us struggle to get by. Each a survival of a different kind and with different meaning. I cannot express enough that life holds many risks that carries with it just as many downfalls as there are the upswings where happiness flows through it all. And it will, if you allow it to. I believe life is what you make it. Life has to be what I make it to be. No, I cannot snap my fingers and magically produce a miracle or suddenly make the rent get paid simply because I want it to be paid. It has to come from somewhere. We have to work for what we want and need and if we think it’s rough, it probably is, if we believe in ourselves enough to go forth and make rough better, we will. Survival! I have finally come to accept that my future is not going to be what I had hoped for. The dreams I had as a child have already passed me by, the dreams I had as an adult are dangling in a possible and not possible zone. I think that many people let life pass them by. They take for granted a tomorrow that one day may never come. 7 years ago, I thought I had the rest of my life. I was working, I had goals of my own, goals to reach with my Master, goals and dreams to live out with my children. When I say the rest of my life, I mean to say, live atleast until I’m 65. Having been informed recently of a 4th stage of RSD, a stage that not all doctors agree upon, yet still exists even if it were to be tossed into stage 3. My hope now is that I live to 50. That would let me see my only son turn 21 and my daughters reach 30. That would give me 12 years to be all I can be. Not much time, but enough to spread a few words of wisdom and tell others to never give up. Palms up turned in service to all. To everyone. If your kids need to eat, feed them. If your wife needs your hand, slip it between her palm, if your mom needs to hear your voice, call her. If your dad needs an I love you tell him. If your daughter needs her mom, let her know you’re there. If your son needs a hug, hug him! Let those you love, know! Never forget to love yourself. If happiness is nil, look for those little things that bring it. Use it to make others around you happy. A happy home maker makes for a happy family. Some of us live with various forms of Cancer and Illnesses that progress and end in early death. We don’t want pity, but we hope for compassion. We don’t want to be treated differently, but sometimes need help. We don’t always ask for it, but we hope our partner or our children will just do so without having been asked. Often times, if not offered, we still won’t ask, and sometimes when freely given, we will decline. The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds, the pessimist believes, well, they believe it’s just a world filled with evil and misfortunes. Some believe in heaven and hell, God and satan. I do! I’ve also come to believe in all that’s been tossed my way that heaven is also what we make it, hell is simply the opposite of that heaven and purgatory might be the center of both. God is inside us, for a non-believer, god would still exist. God could be ourselves, who we are. A holy spirt for me, maybe only a spirit to the athiest. Thoughts, so many thoughts rush through my mind. Am a philosopher, I think and analyze. I critically think, I dig deep and then dig deeper. I crave knowledge. Countless hours of research. My beliefs vary and just when someone thinks they have me figured out by a pattern of previous thoughts, poof, I go the opposite direction. Does my life have value? I think so. In one sense or the other, it does. Does your life have value? Absolutely! Does your life have meaning? I’m sure meaning exists within it. Does my life even though it’s becoming minimized have meaning? Yes, it does. Let all that you are continue on with determination. When you think something cannot be achieved, think on it again, it can be. Make it be! If I was told I would without a doubt die tomorrow, I would defeat that doubt and live to see the sun rise the following day. I actually cannot wait to do so.  When an ailment has you down, get up. If you can’t get up, keep your mind up. When the affliction takes over so badly that you think you’re losing your mind and I know it does, take some deep breaths, believe in yourself. I believe in you. People tend to back away from those who are sick. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that by you being sick, it changed their life, too. Mostly it is only that they don’t know what to say or don’t know how to interact with you any longer. Let them know how you feel, ask them how they feel, if they leave you still, let it go. Don’t let the fact that they are gone from your life, hurt you past the original hurt. It wasn’t you that failed. It’s hard for people to carry burden of any sorts. Don’t ever feel you are a burden. You aren’t! We all ended up a victim of circumstance. Circumstance changes lives. Pain is a constant reminder that we live, that we are infact alive. It’s proof that we feel and feel beyond what most ever will. It is enlightening! It broadens our minds. And God! It hurts like hell. A sudden thought- Perhaps pain is hell and heaven is the grasp we learn to have on it. Survival! Endurance! Patience! Suicidal ideations become overwhelming. The feelings of being useless, worthless, loss, lack of self esteem, helpless, but you’re not alone. Truly, you aren’t. Never give up on yourself because if you do, more than likely, everyone else will also. Be strong and others will be strong with you. Use your experiences and emotions to help and inform others. I know my words will survive me. Let yours do the same.

Don’t forget to tell people you love them and what they mean to you and don’t forget to let them love you back.

I cannot wait to stare the end in the eye and then turn around and walk away to live and survive another day.


                                                                                ~twinkle/ellajC

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