A Simpli Splendiferous Adversaria

October 21, 2006

Coercive Persuasion- Surviving RSD by twinklev

Coercive Persuasion
(Surviving RSD)
by twinkleEKV

Many of us struggle through our day to day lives. Some of us struggle to live and some of us struggle to get by. Each a survival of a different kind and with different meaning. I cannot express enough that life holds many risks that carries with it just as many downfalls as there are the upswings where happiness flows through it all. And it will, if you allow it to. I believe life is what you make it. Life has to be what I make it to be. No, I cannot snap my fingers and magically produce a miracle or suddenly make the rent get paid simply because I want it to be paid. It has to come from somewhere. We have to work for what we want and need and if we think it’s rough, it probably is, if we believe in ourselves enough to go forth and make rough better, we will. Survival! I have finally come to accept that my future is not going to be what I had hoped for. The dreams I had as a child have already passed me by, the dreams I had as an adult are dangling in a possible and not possible zone. I think that many people let life pass them by. They take for granted a tomorrow that one day may never come. 7 years ago, I thought I had the rest of my life. I was working, I had goals of my own, goals to reach with my Master, goals and dreams to live out with my children. When I say the rest of my life, I mean to say, live atleast until I’m 65. Having been informed recently of a 4th stage of RSD, a stage that not all doctors agree upon, yet still exists even if it were to be tossed into stage 3. My hope now is that I live to 50. That would let me see my only son turn 21 and my daughters reach 30. That would give me 12 years to be all I can be. Not much time, but enough to spread a few words of wisdom and tell others to never give up. Palms up turned in service to all. To everyone. If your kids need to eat, feed them. If your wife needs your hand, slip it between her palm, if your mom needs to hear your voice, call her. If your dad needs an I love you tell him. If your daughter needs her mom, let her know you’re there. If your son needs a hug, hug him! Let those you love, know! Never forget to love yourself. If happiness is nil, look for those little things that bring it. Use it to make others around you happy. A happy home maker makes for a happy family. Some of us live with various forms of Cancer and Illnesses that progress and end in early death. We don’t want pity, but we hope for compassion. We don’t want to be treated differently, but sometimes need help. We don’t always ask for it, but we hope our partner or our children will just do so without having been asked. Often times, if not offered, we still won’t ask, and sometimes when freely given, we will decline. The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds, the pessimist believes, well, they believe it’s just a world filled with evil and misfortunes. Some believe in heaven and hell, God and satan. I do! I’ve also come to believe in all that’s been tossed my way that heaven is also what we make it, hell is simply the opposite of that heaven and purgatory might be the center of both. God is inside us, for a non-believer, god would still exist. God could be ourselves, who we are. A holy spirt for me, maybe only a spirit to the athiest. Thoughts, so many thoughts rush through my mind. Am a philosopher, I think and analyze. I critically think, I dig deep and then dig deeper. I crave knowledge. Countless hours of research. My beliefs vary and just when someone thinks they have me figured out by a pattern of previous thoughts, poof, I go the opposite direction. Does my life have value? I think so. In one sense or the other, it does. Does your life have value? Absolutely! Does your life have meaning? I’m sure meaning exists within it. Does my life even though it’s becoming minimized have meaning? Yes, it does. Let all that you are continue on with determination. When you think something cannot be achieved, think on it again, it can be. Make it be! If I was told I would without a doubt die tomorrow, I would defeat that doubt and live to see the sun rise the following day. I actually cannot wait to do so.  When an ailment has you down, get up. If you can’t get up, keep your mind up. When the affliction takes over so badly that you think you’re losing your mind and I know it does, take some deep breaths, believe in yourself. I believe in you. People tend to back away from those who are sick. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that by you being sick, it changed their life, too. Mostly it is only that they don’t know what to say or don’t know how to interact with you any longer. Let them know how you feel, ask them how they feel, if they leave you still, let it go. Don’t let the fact that they are gone from your life, hurt you past the original hurt. It wasn’t you that failed. It’s hard for people to carry burden of any sorts. Don’t ever feel you are a burden. You aren’t! We all ended up a victim of circumstance. Circumstance changes lives. Pain is a constant reminder that we live, that we are infact alive. It’s proof that we feel and feel beyond what most ever will. It is enlightening! It broadens our minds. And God! It hurts like hell. A sudden thought- Perhaps pain is hell and heaven is the grasp we learn to have on it. Survival! Endurance! Patience! Suicidal ideations become overwhelming. The feelings of being useless, worthless, loss, lack of self esteem, helpless, but you’re not alone. Truly, you aren’t. Never give up on yourself because if you do, more than likely, everyone else will also. Be strong and others will be strong with you. Use your experiences and emotions to help and inform others. I know my words will survive me. Let yours do the same.

Don’t forget to tell people you love them and what they mean to you and don’t forget to let them love you back.

I cannot wait to stare the end in the eye and then turn around and walk away to live and survive another day.


                                                                                ~twinkle/ellajC

Facing the Storm- Pain and Mental Illness

Facing the Storm
Pain and Mental Illness
by TwinkleEKV

Mental Health, a most fascinating area of study, but are all diagnosis’ correct? A diagnosis relies on symptoms, or should I say, for a doctor to give a diagnosis, he must rely on symptoms and underlying factors before making such a determination. Can a doctors determination of said illness be based simply on assumption? How about a pre conceived idea or notion that the symptoms are obvious to a specific illness or disorder? Perhaps you know someone that experiences mood swings, altered behavior, or sudden changes in personality with bouts of highs and lows without notable warnings and you probably never even see it coming. This seems to be a tell tale sign of a widely known and diagnosed disorder and before I mention it, many of you will already know where I’m heading.

Depression is defined as sadness, gloom, dejection. A condition of feeling sad or despondent. In Psychiatry it is defined as a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. A disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression. In Pathology, a low state of vital powers or functional activity.

Mania is defined as excessive excitement or enthusiasm; craze. An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire. In Psychiatry, manic disorder. A manifestation of bipolar disorder, characterized by profuse and rapidly changing ideas, exaggerated sexuality, gaiety, or irritability, and decreased sleep. Violent abnormal behavior. Insanity. Excitement of psychotic proportions manifested by mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood; specifically : the manic phase of bipolar disorder. An irrational but irresistible motive for a belief or action. A mood disorder; an affective disorder in which the victim tends to respond excessively and sometimes violently.

Lets take a look at this again. Depression equals low and mania equals high. Common sense would lead us to believe that a “normal” mood would be at the center of both and in studying mental illness and Bipolar disorder, we would be correct. Imagine a pole, any pole, even a telephone pole. At the top is mania, in the middle is an even stabalized mood and at the bottom is depression.

Lets take a peek at hypomania. A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania, which generally does not impair a persons daily functioning and includes an enhanced mood and productivity.

A manic depressive is called Bipolar 1, the less severe form of Bipolar 1 is Bipolar 2, who’s characteristics include hypomania, instead of full blown manic episodes and then there is Unipolar, which by definition means that there is a depressive phase only.

Hmm! Wouldn’t that simply be depression? Lets review for a moment.  Bi means two, Uni means 1. Bipolar 1 and 2 move up and down the pole, Unipolar means 1, it stays at the bottom. It’s said that mixed episodes do not exist in Bipolar 2, on the contrary, they do exist. It is but a mixed state of being, fluctuating, deflating and back again.

Have you wondered by chance where I might be going with all this? Let me introduce you to pain.

Pain is defined as physical suffering or distress, as due to injury illness, etc. A distressing sensation in a particular part of the body. Pain and ache usually refer to physical sensations (except heartache); agony and anguish may be physical or mental. Pain suggests a sudden sharp twinge. Agony implies a continuous, excruciating, scarcely endurable pain: in agony from a wound. Anguish suggests not only extreme and long-continued pain, but also a feeling of despair. A pang, twinge, stitch. afflict, torment; trouble, grieve. An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder. Suffering or distress. A physical discomfort associated with bodily disorder (as disease or injury). A state of physical, emotional, or mental lack of well-being or physical, emotional, or mental uneasiness that ranges from mild discomfort or dull distress to acute often unbearable agony, may be generalized or localized, and is the consequence of being injured or hurt physically or mentally or of some derangement of or lack of equilibrium in the physical or mental functions (as through disease), and that usually produces a reaction of wanting to avoid, escape, or destroy the causative factor and its effects. Basic bodily sensation that is induced by a noxious stimulus, is received by naked nerve endings, is characterized by physical discomfort (as pricking, throbbing, or aching), and typically leads to evasive action. A symptom of some physical hurt or disorder. A somatic sensation of acute discomfort.

Now I’m going to propose a thought for others to think upon. When physical pain developes in a person, at some point emotional distress will take over. This is not an assumption, but fact. I don’t even need to get into information explaining the chemical imbalances that play a part in mental illness. Of course, it’s true. What I want to discuss is that when someone is in pain, acute, severe, mild to extreme, it takes so much energy inside ourselves that mental dilemma’s will develop. This can happen over a short period of time or a longer period of time. It might depend on strength, hope, the will to live, the ability to fight off the discomfort, attitude and a minimal level of stress.  Stress increases pain, pain increases instability, instability creates lack of peace of mind. Thoughts of no longer wanting to live and exist expand and increase, however, there is a difference between suicidal ideation and suicidal intent.

On a good pain day the individual may have their high, creativity, feel happiness, smile and laugh, bounce around in a positive manner, demonstrate self esteem, feel excitement, desire, feel optimistic with the emotion that “no one can hold me back”.  Mania?

On a bad pain day the person may feel hopeless, worthless, no longer have the will to live that they had on their “good pain day”. Lose hope, cry, feel agony, sadness, have no drive to get out of bed because either the physical pain or emotional pain has them beat. It is that the physical and emotional has grabbed them up once again. Depression?

On a so so day, he or she may feel fatigued, but flash a smile, hurt, but want to survive, their mood may be that of feeling “okay” considering what they endure through their day to day lives and hope flows through them. A stabalized mood? The center of that pole!

I am at the belief that pain is misunderstood and since many pain syndromes currently have no cure that many people are mis-diagnosed with a mental illness, namely Bipolar disorder as a means to justify that which cannot be accepted or explained.

I urge you all to think about this, I certainly do.

                                                                                         ~twinkle/ellaj

© 2006 twinklev – Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. May be used by permission and with viewable credit to author.

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